You Consider Everyone. Who Considers You?
I want to talk about something that does not get named enough in the leadership and business world — because it is too personal, too uncomfortable, and too close to the bone for most people to say out loud in a professional context.
There is a specific kind of hurt that comes with being the person who always considers others.
You think about how your decisions affect your team. You adjust your communication style for every person in the room. You show up early, stay late, check in on people, hold space for their struggles, and modify your plans to accommodate their needs. You are the one who remembers. The one who follows through. The one who, when something matters to someone you care about — professionally or personally — makes sure it is handled.
And then one day — sometimes gradually, sometimes all at once — you look around and realize that almost no one is doing that for you.
Not because they are bad people. Not because they do not care. But because you have trained everyone around you to expect your consideration without reciprocating it — and somewhere along the way, you stopped expecting it in return.
Why This Hits Differently When You Are Launching Something
I felt this acutely when I was building the Strategic AF podcast and finishing the book of the same name. Both projects are deeply personal. They represent years of thinking, a framework I have tested across hundreds of clients, and a level of vulnerability that does not come naturally to someone who has spent most of her career being the strategist in the room — the one with the answers, not the one with the questions.
When you put something that personal into the world, you notice who shows up. You notice who shares it without being asked. Who sends a message to say they listened. Who tells someone else about it because they genuinely thought it would help them.
And you notice who does not.
The people you have championed for years. The ones whose launches you showed up for, whose content you shared, whose work you referenced in rooms they were not in. The ones you considered — consistently, quietly, without keeping score.
That silence is not nothing. It is data. And it is painful in a way that is hard to articulate without sounding petty, because high performers are not supposed to need that kind of acknowledgment. We are supposed to be above it. Self-sufficient. Internally motivated. Beyond the need for reciprocity.
That is a lie we tell ourselves to avoid the discomfort of admitting that we are human.
The Consideration Gap Is a Strategic Problem, Not Just an Emotional One
Here is what I have learned from working with founders, executives, and high performers across two decades: the consideration gap is not just a personal wound. It is a structural problem in how high-performing people build their lives and businesses.
When you are the person who always considers others, you attract people who are comfortable being considered. Over time, your inner circle — your team, your partnerships, your close relationships — becomes populated with people who are very good at receiving your attention and very poor at extending it.
This is not a character flaw in them. It is a pattern you created by never requiring anything different. You set the terms of the relationship by your behavior, and the relationship conformed to those terms.
The result is a life and a business that is structurally dependent on your constant output of consideration — and that gives you very little back. You are the engine. Everyone else is cargo.
That is not a sustainable operating model. It is a burnout blueprint.
What Strategic AF Is Really About
The Strategic AF podcast and the book it is built around are not productivity content. They are not hustle content. They are not another framework for doing more.
They are about the harder work: examining the systems you have built — the professional ones and the personal ones — and asking honestly whether they are working for you or just working you.
The six-pillar framework at the core of the book — People, Process, Profit, Partners, Potential, and Possibility — is not a business framework. It is a life architecture framework. It applies to your company. It also applies to your relationships, your energy, your time, and the invisible agreements you have made with the people around you about what you will give and what you will accept in return.
The consideration gap lives inside the People pillar. Who is in your life? Who are you building with? Who actually sees you — not just what you produce for them?
Most high performers have never asked those questions out loud. They have been too busy considering everyone else.
The Moment You Name It
There is something that happens when you finally name this dynamic. Not in a blame-filled way. Not in a way that requires a dramatic confrontation or a wholesale clearing of your inner circle. Just — naming it.
I consider people. I do it well. I do it consistently. And I have not been requiring the same in return. That is a choice I made, even if I did not make it consciously. And I can make a different choice.
That naming is the beginning of something. It is the beginning of building relationships — and a business — that are actually reciprocal. Where your consideration is matched, not just consumed. Where the people around you are invested in your success the way you have been invested in theirs.
It does not mean becoming transactional. It does not mean keeping score. It means raising your standard for what you will accept in the relationships you invest in — and being willing to redirect your energy toward the people and partnerships that actually meet that standard.
A Note on Launching Something Personal
If you are in the middle of launching something — a podcast, a book, a business, a new chapter — and you are feeling the sting of who is not showing up, I want to say this directly:
That feeling is real. It is not neediness. It is not weakness. It is the natural consequence of caring deeply about something you built and noticing who cares about you in return.
Let it be information. Not a wound you carry, but a data point that helps you understand your ecosystem more clearly. Some people in your life are consumers of your consideration. Some are contributors. The launch just made the distinction visible.
The Strategic AF podcast exists because I believe that high performers deserve a space to have these conversations — the ones that are too honest for most professional content, too strategic for most personal development content, and too real for the polished version of success that most of us perform online.
You built the impressive thing. You showed up for everyone. Now it is time to build something that shows up for you.
FAQ
What is the Strategic AF podcast about?
Strategic AF with Maresa Friedman is a podcast for high performers who are done confusing busyness with success. Each episode pairs real talk with a usable strategic tool drawn from the six-pillar framework: People, Process, Profit, Partners, Potential, and Possibility. New episodes weekly on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and iHeartRadio.
What is the Strategic AF book about?
Strategic AF is a life architecture framework for high performers who have built impressive things and are ready to examine whether those things are actually working for them — or just working them. It covers the six pillars of sustainable success and the hard questions most business books avoid.
Why do high performers struggle with reciprocity in relationships?
High performers often build their identity around being the capable, reliable, considerate one. Over time, this creates a relational dynamic where others are comfortable receiving without reciprocating — not out of malice, but because the high performer never required anything different. Naming the pattern is the first step to changing it.
How do you stop being the one who always considers others?
The goal is not to stop being considerate — it is to raise your standard for what you accept in return. Audit your inner circle. Redirect energy toward relationships that are genuinely reciprocal. And stop performing consideration for people who have demonstrated they will not extend it back.
Source: https://strategysolved.com/insights/you-consider-everyone-who-considers-you